Where Do You Go From Here?

So now what?  You are a survivor and you think the nightmare is over.  That is not the case.  It takes a long long time to really sever all ties with the abuser.  But you are out so everything should be better ~right?  On some level it is very liberating to finally have left and be out of direct range of direct verbal or physical assault.  You feel empowered and know that this is where life begins.
Unfortunately, the abuser  needs your suffering in the same way that you need air to breath.  He/she thrives on your negative emotions and is an emotional vampire.  So, just because you are out does not mean that it is over.  While you are just enjoying the simple air you breath, the sun on your face and the peace of the day he/ she is  figuring it out-laying the trap for you in a covert way.  He/ she is not done with you yet.
The line has been drawn in the sand and the battle to survive is just beginning.   The abuser will try to reel you in by proclamation to change, cutting you off financially or preying on the emotions of those you love, such as your family, friends and children.  Somehow, the abuser is going to convince the world that he/she is the victim and during the time you need the most support many will not know or understand what you have experienced and actually empathize with the abuser.  This is the time to keep doing your job.  Be a survivor.

What Does It Mean To Be A Survivor?

When you leave the prison of your own design releasing permanently the abuser you are a survivor.  A conscious decision to no longer allow the abuser to have access to your emotions, starving the abuser of his/her power over you, sets you free.  

Does that mean you have conquered them?  Not.  They are cunning, devious and know how to 'hook' you, as they have done over and over again.  The abuse is insidious because it gets better and gives you hope and  it gets worse which makes you feel trapped.  The first step to being a survivor is to make the conscious decision to get out of the abusive relationship.  When you decide, begin to question: how, when, where and why, you become a survivor.  It may take many attempts to free yourself and don't be discouraged because you have taken the first step towards a better life.  The constant mixed messages can make you think that there is hope for the relationship because it started out so perfectly. It took me far too long to set myself free.  If this sounds familiar, this blog is for you.